The oldest part of me...to write poetry you have got to get older. I'm not capable of writing any poetry right now. I'm not capable...I'm so tired and the world feels so surreal. I think what I'm looking for is myself, which sounds so cheesy. Not in the way that I don't know who I am, but I seek for mirrors(?)
This website hosts a collection of works and personal diary entries by Mikaela R. In kind of a non-chronological order.
Let's talk about why I haven't been feeling like myself recently. Or to put it more precisely, I feel like I've lost parts of myself as I get older. The truth is, I haven't been vulnerable to myself in a while. I haven't been that honest with myself in a long time. But I think the fact that music is finally hitting again is a good sign. I have to leave behind the dishonesty with myself—at what points am I betraying myself? How can I avoid betraying myself? Let go of nostalgia, embrace more joy.
• But for the Lovers by Wilfrido Nolledo
• The Poetry and Poetics of Nishiwaki Junzaburo: Modernism in Translation by Hosea Hirata
• The Birth of Tragedy by Friedrich Nietzsche
Code red! Severe code red! Just had a freudian slip of a thought escape from my subconscious. It made me ask a question that I answered as quickly as I asked it. I can't talk about this with anyone not because I want to hide it but because only I know the answer. I kept getting distracted. Honestly I want to be the kind of person that does things myself. Does things on my own, decides things on my own. I don't need a boyfriend, I need to do something that relieves me from my shame. Sometimes I can't believe myself but I just have to confront the reality and do the task. You know exactly what you need to do. Criticism is not an emergency situation.
Everything is genuinely happening and has happened all at once. I think no amount of self reflection can turn back time. I know my memories are deceiving but I still miss the past. Things will never be the same again and I still can't breathe. I feel so lonely. I feel so lonely. And that I'm running out of time.